Kubbra Sait: If we are above them, we still have a chance to fight our perpetrators
KV Prasad Jun 13, 2022, 06:35 AM IST (Published)
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Summary
Best known for playing Kukoo in Netflix’s Sacred Games and Phara in Apple TV+’s Foundation, Kubbra Sait has now turned author with her new memoir Open Book. In the exclusive interview, she talks about the book, her upcoming projects, and how for her, career is not everything.
While reading the prologue of her new memoir Open Book, I found out that Kubbra Sait and I have one thing in common. We both don’t have any wisdom teeth. Much like she did with me, the tooth fairy skipped her address too.
I first met Kubbra in September 2018, at an awards night in Mumbai organised by the company I was then working with. It was among the first to recognize the potential of streaming and celebrate the shows that were stirring conversations, quietly changing the way we consume content. Kubbra won in a major category for playing Kukoo in Sacred Games, her breakout role that would put her on the map and take her places.
That sultry evening, she was effervescent. Most celebrities had come to just collect their award and left immediately after. But Kubbra stayed. In fact, she was among the last people to leave. And while she was around, she made sure she had a good time. She met and talked with everyone she could, clicked pictures, and frolicked the night away. She’s a party unto herself. In all this time, I haven’t met many like her. Because there aren’t.
That night four years ago, I had no idea that Kubbra had lived the life that she has. No one could have. Her stories of resilience as she has written them in her memoir are a revelation. They tell you what her large, smiling green eyes mask so well. If you thought her frontal nudity act in Sacred Games was brave, you need to read Open Book. It’s courageous and heartbreaking and yet rooted in hope.
I start our Zoom chat with the obvious first question — why write a memoir right now, when she is only 38 and has an entire career ahead of her? Nursing a bruised elbow, her left hand in a cast, she smiles and asks me a question in response, “Is career everything?”
The unprecedented loss of life during the pandemic made her realise how transient and impermanent everything is and she decided it was as good a time as any other to tell her story. For she had many. She had lived several small lives in one big life. So we got talking about it all.
Q. Being an open book has its share of perks and pitfalls. Do you think it has worked well for you so far or do you sometimes regret being as candid as you are?
A.You were very kind to tell me right at the beginning that I’m someone who likes to have a good time. Now, how much I choose to share is up to me. But I have reached a point where I know that this is my truth. If you’re not judging yourself, then nobody else is judging you. There is a sense of security that comes with that feeling. I have reached a place of that kind of security with myself. I was truly not judging myself when I was telling these stories. Sometimes we get too harsh on ourselves. More than perks or pitfalls, we put ourselves through the lens of perceptions. People will always see things from their perspective.
All of us in the public space are reduced to clickbait sometimes. I think that’s the only time when I feel, “Come on, you can be more responsible than that.” Being human, I would ask myself if it was necessary to say or do that. But my answer always circles back to that it’s not my responsibility to feel how others feel. It’s their responsibility to choose how they conduct themselves. As far as my truth did not come from a place of malice or a bad space or a place of judgment, then I don’t think I care about what other people think or say or write or do.
Q. Why should anyone read your book? What are you hoping that the readers should get out of it?
A.We are all made of stories. Everything that happens to us is a story. But there are very few stories that we remember — stories that made us either very happy or very, very sad. Then you have stories in between which made you learn and bridged you from one emotion to the other. This book has my story and they have been written very honestly. I did not write these stories through the lens of judgment. I wrote it through a lens of curiosity as to what they did to me. If my stories happen to make you feel a certain way or allow you to make references or make you feel that you’re not alone in this, then that’s a good enough reason to pick up the book.
Q. Your choice of acting roles so far has been really interesting. What makes you say yes to a project?
A. Because I came with nothing, I had nothing to lose. For me, anything that came my way was a bonus. When you start looking at it like that, you start savoring the little moments which make you feel like you’re in the right direction. My goal is there somewhere, but I’m in the right direction. It helps you surge through. What most often we call courage, it’s because you’re having a really good time along the way. Of course, there are speed bumps and potholes, but isn’t that life?
I picked projects based on the people I’m working with. I’m an outsider, let’s be honest. So I’m still enamoured by people who have done better than me in this industry. So if there is a team of people who are really fresh but enthusiastic with their approach, I’d love to work with them because I can relate to that energy. Or I’m instantly excited to work with people who have been here, have slogged it, and created cinema of value, worth, and meaning because then, I get to learn from them.
When I was working on Foundation, every day felt like going back to school that I was being paid to attend. If that’s the case, then why would I miss out on the opportunity? So whether it’s me choosing them or them choosing me, as far as there is growth, I’m happy.
Q. What do you think has worked for you? What helped you stay put all these years?
A. The fact that I was true to who I am and stuck really strong to make this dream happen. It propelled me to where I am today. It has been a journey of many, many small steps. Even in the book, I have written — and it is in connection with the schools and colleges I changed — that how maybe the big and grand was not meant for me. It was the small, the inconspicuous, and the little things that I could be that honed me.
My journey in this industry has been one of a lot of experimentation and learning, but above it all, I knew what I would not do to get a job. It’s so funny, we started with the question, is career everything? I value myself a lot. When I came to this industry, I was told that this is the worst place to be in and that I should just pack off and go. But now when I look back, I could not have been in a more noble profession. It lets you tell stories and live other people’s lives. It’s the most empathetic place you can be in. And people recognise you for that, for the experience you are having. I think it’s a great place to be in.
I was told that this place is full of monsters and demons and that I should not come but I always look at it as the city of dreams. However, if it does or has turned into a nightmare for you, then I think the first thing you need to do is reflect upon your journey. A large part of forgiveness comes into it. It’s not for anyone else but yourself. That’s the most important because perpetrators will do what perpetrators do. If we are above them, we still have a chance to fight them.
Q. It is a very exciting time to be an actor right now in the Hindi film industry. But one thing, from your personal experience, that you think we could change or do better?
A. The Hindi film industry is very unique. There are very few people in our crew who are actually educated to do the job. Most of them are self-trained. When someone is not “educated” or “worldly wise,” we try to ask them for favours. But I don’t think as an industry, we are doing anybody favours. We need to arrive at a mindset where we respect people for their time, the job they do, and the talent they bring. We need to understand that it’s a collaborative process. Nobody is doing anybody favours.
It usually happens that request kar dete hain na — one more day of shoot or let’s just push by two hours more, or three hours more. Let’s just try to get done with this. We haven’t corporatised the process yet as to where we go and demand our rights. Hum log bhaichaare me bohot kaam karte hain. If we could truly change this across every sector, every vertical that we aren’t pulling favours — that our job, our time, and our craft is worth a value, then we will be more respectful of each other.
We’ve got some of the greatest technicians who have done so well and put in years and years of hard work. I speak for myself and I hope I can speak for them because sometimes in our industry, we see them getting the shortest end of the stick.
Q. What’s next? Which projects are you working on right now?
A. I’m looking forward to the release of Farzi, which is directed by Raj and DK. I have looked up to their work for a very long time. I’m working on a show called Shehar Lakhot, which I am very excited about. It’s directed by Navdeep Singh. I’m also working on a movie and another long-format series, but I can’t talk about them right now.
Read other pieces by Sneha Bengani here.
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